The “How I Got My Agent” Post

This is coming quite late, but it’s probably one of the most common questions a writer gets (and one of the most common posts/FAQs an author puts on their website) so I figured I’d share my story in the hopes of demystifying the world of publishing a little bit, while illuminating some of the truth of what it can take to reach this goal (with the caveat that all journeys look different!).

But how far back does a story like this go? I think for this post to be of any actual use to anyone, I have to start from the very first time I queried agents at age 21. This was a while ago, mind you. I am 38 now. The internet back in 2006 was not what it is now: we did not have AgentQuery, QueryTracker, or #MSWL (manuscript wish lists) to help us find agents. The concept of hashtags was just a glimmer in a tech-bro’s eyes. Writers were heavily dependent upon a giant tome that came out with a new edition every year called the Writer’s Market (which I believe is still in publication), which we would pour over like a scene from any twentieth century movie where someone is looking for a job in the classifieds: circling agents who represent our genre and age category, or publishers who would accept unsolicited manuscripts, cross referencing the specific agents to their agencies and the agency’s rules for submission (which did not always match the agent’s rules for submissions!).

The worst part of all is many agents still required snail mail for at least part of their submissions process: some required it for everything from the initial query letter onward, and others only required it for partial or full manuscript requests, and everything required a SASE (self-addressed stamped envelope) so they could mail back their reply and the materials. Of course some agents were hip to the times and hopped on the digital train much faster, and I’ll always be grateful for those trailblazers. Never has rejection come so swiftly.

The first novel I queried was not the first one I’d written. I think I’d finished at least four or five manuscripts by that age, but this was the first one that felt like my critical taste and my ability finally matched up. Surprisingly, it got several partial requests and at least one full manuscript request from a fairly high profile agent, but ultimately she passed (with a kind, personalized rejection). And that’s basically how it went from then on. I queried more agents as rejections rolled in, until there was no one left on my list. Then I wrote another book, queried that, too, and went through the same thing all over again. And again. And again. But a common theme in my rejections (when they were not form rejections) was “while the writing was beautiful…” so at least I had that.

Eventually, one of the books I queried received the same response so many times (“I absolutely love this story, but it’s so unusual, I have no idea how I would pitch it or how they would market it”) I just went ahead and self-published it. But I hadn’t completely given up on traditional publication, either. At one point, with the fourth book I was getting ready to query, I took a sample of that book to a conference in Manhattan (where I met a youth by the name of Rioghnach Robinson, who has since gone on to publish 5 novels because she is insanely talented) where we read the opening pages to a group in our genre (YA was it’s own “genre” :p) and got feedback from two Real Live Literary Agents. Remarkably, and like something out of a movie, before I’d finished reading the first paragraph out loud, both agents interrupted me to request the full manuscript. I was stunned, shocked, and a little embarrassed. I actually had quite a few revisions to do on the manuscript still, but I went home and got them done quickly while mentally floating on cloud 9; it seemed to me and all my writer friends that this was It. I was about to sign with an agent!

This is where it gets tricky. I sent the manuscript to both agents, and one rejected it because it was “just not a good fit” for her (which is totally fair). The other one…basically wanted me to rewrite it so that it was something completely different. To be fair, there was a lot going on in the book (I enjoy a story that is meaty), and the world-building was not as tight as it could have been, but her reasoning (“YA books can only have one magical element at a time”) made no sense to me, and her suggested rewrite felt more like asking me to ghostwrite a book she had an idea for that was not at all the same thing as what I’d written.

But I had a big adult decision to make then: would I put my feelings aside and do what she asked for the sake of my (at that time non-existent) career, or would I stay true to my artist’s heart and keep working on the story that I loved and believed in as it was?

Painfully, I chose the latter. At the time, I worried I was being an “overly emotional artist,” too invested in my own ego to see when the constructive criticism of a professional was right. But in my gut I knew this was the correct choice. Even though that novel never did find an agent, I am proud of what it ended up becoming, which though heavily revised was still the same basic world, story, and characters I’d given to the agents. (And, not for nothing, but when I self-published it people really liked it!)

There were two more novels after that, more querying, more rejection, more self-publishing. And while I enjoyed self-publishing and experienced critical success from my audience if not financial, it became pretty clear to me by book four that I still wanted the traditional publishing experience. Self-publishing requires you to be everything: editor, proofreader, marketing and PR person, SEO expert, graphic designer, social media genius, web designer, and also still write novels and hold down a full time job because self-publishing probably isn’t going to pay the bills when you only put out a novel every 2 years.

By the time I started writing what would become The Wilderness of Girls, I’d decided I was done with self-publishing. I was going to go back to the traditional publishing/query trenches, but first I needed to finish a new novel to query. Unfortunately, due to A Mental Health Journey (ongoing, really), everything since the 2016 election, and the development of a mysterious chronic illness, it took me a lot longer to finish WILDERNESS than it usually takes me to finish a novel. Also, I went to grad school somewhere in there and we experienced a global pandemic.

Ok, that’s simplifying it a lot. I should admit, I was so laser focused on becoming a published author from age 10 on that the lack of achieving that goal eventually contributed to crippling depression (among many other factors, capitalism being one, undiagnosed C-PTSD and autistic burnout being another). I’d lost sight of the real reason I wrote: because I fucking LOVE writing. But I’d made myself miserable focusing on external markers of success. One of the many reasons I chose to get my MFA was because I realized, for my own mental health, I had to be able to live a contented life whether or not I ever got published. I just wanted to be able to work in a field related to writing, so I thought, I’ll get my MFA and at the very least I’ll be able to teach! Which I’d still love to do, some day. But post-graduation I was focused on one thing: survival, because I’d reached a pretty bad point in 2018 where my chronic illness was draining me and my depression was determined to finish me off. But despite everything, I did love myself enough to get the help and treatment I deserved (free through New York State because I was also poor!).

So despite getting my MFA from the most prestigious Writing for Children and Young Adults programs in the country (world?), it still took a little time to get an agent.

(I want to pause here to remind you that this is just the story of how one author got an agent. You don’t have to suffer to succeed. You don’t even have to work as hard/pathologically as I did to make writing the central focus and motivation for everything you are/do, and you certainly don’t need an MFA. I’ve met writers who simply succeeded with their first or second novels, and writers who have succeeded without even a high school diploma. But what I do think is necessary for continued success is sincere passion and commitment to your craft, and to telling the kind of stories that nurture you in some way. Maybe they nurture your soul and never earn you a cent. Maybe they pay the bills (or part of them), even though they’re not your highest form of art. Maybe you’re one of the lucky ones who gets to put your heart on the page and get paid for it. But you have to be pretty damn devoted to writing to endure the highs and lows of the author life.

And even at that, nothing is guaranteed. There is no step-by-step path to get an agent or a book deal. It all takes a tremendous amount of good timing and luck. But if you’re not trying pretty damn hard, luck will have a very difficult time finding you.)

Post-grad school I focused on healing what I could: my mental health. My physical health seemed more and more out of my control every day, but eventually 2020 happened, which in a roundabout way led me to getting my first diagnosis for my chronic illness and beginning treatment in 2021. Chronic illness is often a complex multilayered thing, so unfortunately I’m still quite ill sometimes, but on the whole I am able to function now and feel about 80% better most days. Sometimes even 95%. Other days I am couch-bound with a heating pad and electrolytes and a veritable home pharmacy.

But wouldn’t you know it, as I started to feel better both mentally and physically, I started writing again. With the improvement of my mental health, I healed the wounds that had been keeping me from reaching the heart of my main character, and everything started falling into place. In less than six months, I finished the first draft of the book I’d been working on for six years, finally let someone else read more than the first 100 pages, and finally got it into shape for querying.

At this point (are you still with me?), it had been a very long time since I’d last queried. Whole new resources had popped up to make the process easier, helping me find agents who were looking for my particular niche of fiction (YA, weird, otherworldly, angry, feminist, narratively provocative), and even track who I submitted to and how/if they responded (so long spreadsheets, we have QueryTracker now!). But I was also a different person, too, and a different writer. I had worked hard to get my manuscript into shape, but I also knew it wasn’t perfect, as most books aren’t, not at this stage. Maybe it was misplaced, but I had confidence that if any agent was going to see the potential in this book, it was already good enough as it was. I only point this out because I think a lot of writers can get themselves stuck on the idea of perfecting their manuscript before querying because agents ask for “polished” work. But polished work isn’t the same as perfect. Agents know as much as the editors they sell to know that anything a publisher buys is going to be revised and edited multiple times before publication. So my manuscript was not perfect, but it was ready. It was polished. And I was ready to query.

It was the holidays by then though, so I held off on sending queries and committed to researching and compiling lists of prospective agents. I also did a spell with a lil’ baby golem/poppet to help me find an agent, because why not? I don’t think it’s essential to do witchcraft to procure an agent, but I do think it’s a good idea to get a clear idea of what kind of person you want for an agent and how you want that relationship to look.

After a few rounds of querying (I think I did 6 in each batch and I’d query a new agent for every rejection I received), I came across Mad Woman Literary Agency while doing my research on the couch one night. I immediately turned to my partner and said something along the lines of “with a name like that, surely this is the agency I’ll end up with!” But more than that, reading the “about” section on the website convinced me I desperately wanted to work with this agent. And lo and behold, a few months into 2022 I got an email from my now-agent, Danielle, making an offer of representation. (I’m not saying I made it happen, but I choose to believe I either predicted it or manifested it. Runcible witchery at it’s finest.)

We had a video call and talked about WILDERNESS for a bit, Danielle’s style as an agent, what she would expect from me for the manuscript (some agents may want heavy revisions, some agents may not) what I wanted from my writing career. Per etiquette, I let other agents with the full manuscript know I’d had an offer and gave them time to respond, but ultimately I was relieved when the other agents passed because I was already so excited to work with Danielle, who seemed to be not only a powerful, competent agent, but a down-to-earth person who understands how to handle the often delicate hearts of creative people. And I was correct. 🙂

So that’s the long and grim but ultimately happy-ending story of how I got my agent!

What else would y’all like to know about the biz?

Four feral girls believe they are princesses from another world. The world believes they are brainwashed kidnapping victims.

What is the truth?

You decide.

Read more about The Wilderness of Girls.