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Some Good News! And Some Philosophical Rambling About Making Art.

After months of waiting with bated breath (okay, bated breath was really just the last few days before I got the email), I finally received word that I have been

The Return of the Arcana Series!

So, a year ago yesterday I released my latest book, Ghost City, a mind-bending post-apocalyptic ghost story about kids surviving after the end of the world. While I’m extremely proud

Wordless.

I have started and thrown out more blog posts and journal entries this year than I can even begin to remember. I’m compelled, periodically, to write about this intense feeling

2015: The Empress (Part 2)

(For Part I, click here) All my life I’ve been enchanted by the mystical, mythical world. I love, even if I do not wholeheartedly believe in, the idea of fortune-telling

2015: The Empress (Part 1)

To fully appreciate my perspective on 2015, I have to go back to New Year’s Eve, 2013: I was driving to a friend’s cottage to spend the holiday and weekend with

Some Good News! And Some Philosophical Rambling About Making Art.

After months of waiting with bated breath (okay, bated breath was really just the last few days before I got the email), I finally received word that I have been accepted into Nova Ren Suma’s YA novel-writing workshop at Djerassi! I’m incredibly honored and grateful for the opportunity to work not only with an author that has deeply inspired me as a writer and as a person, but also to be working with 9 other talented writers! I’m looking forward to some inspiring people and conversations, and learning whatever I can from each and every person present. My brain is ready for your wisdom! And I guess to share whatever wisdom I might have (lol).

I’ve said it a million times before, but one of the reasons why I continue to work towards having a traditional publishing experience is because I want to always be working towards becoming the best writer that I can possibly be. I hope that, with the right agent and editor, I can learn and grow as a writer and a storyteller. Lessons from the traditional publishing world are one of the few unexplored frontiers for me, as someone who’s been a self-proclaimed writer since before I could spell my own name. You see, (and you’ll have to pardon the unintentional humblebrag) all my life I’ve had the unsatisfying experience of being a “really good writer for my age” when I was younger or “extremely talented.” Which means that, in every creative writing class and every writing workshop, even up to an agent-fishing-type conference just a few years ago, I’ve always been a big fish in a small-to-medium pond, and the focus was always on teaching those smaller fish. That’s awesome when two agents are fighting over you at a conference–not so great when all the full manuscript requests over the years never seem to pan out.

I’m lucky. I know I’m a good writer. I believe in that wholeheartedly, even when I also know that what I’m writing is shit (I know I can fix it. Revision is glorious). Just having that in my core belief system puts me miles ahead of a lot of creative types. But I know I have plenty left to learn, that my writing can always be even better, that there will never come a day when I am done perfecting my voice, my craft, my process, my method.

I am not a religious person, but for me, everything in life rests on a spiritual foundation. Every choice I’ve made; every relationship I keep or dissolve; the food I eat, the products I buy; the way I see everything in the entire world–it all comes down to the things that I believe in, deeply, when nothing else can be known for certain. Choosing to self publish, despite the criticism I knew it would invite, was based on those core beliefs (and a handful of editors validating my work but telling me, essentially, “as good as it is, no publisher will take a chance on something so strange.”). I love the freedom of self publishing, the possibilities it presents, and, you know 70% royalties on ebook sales doesn’t hurt either.

But I didn’t do it for money. I did it because unpublished novels that I know are good feel like deaths in the family–far worse than an abandoned manuscript that wasn’t ever going to get better. And besides, just because a novel doesn’t necessarily have a broad appeal doesn’t mean it’s not a great novel with the potential to change someone’s life.

Admittedly, that sounds really defensive. I’m not here to defend my choice to self-publish my early work in this ever-changing landscape of publishing. But consider this: have you ever loved the shit out of something no one in your life had ever heard of, that never gained in popularity (or if it did it took a very long time)? Have you ever loved a person that no one else even notices, or wanted to get to know the super shy kid in class that everyone else ignores? Have you ever found an old book at a used book store, a novel or a book of poems, or found a piece of art and fallen completely in love with it and then found out there is ZERO information on that poor author/artist who probably died in obscurity?

Okay, well, maybe you have and maybe you haven’t. These probably aren’t universal experiences. Maybe there are just some people who live a kind of universal experience themselves, and there’s nothing obscure about them. Hipsters weep for them, and chances are good that they probably wouldn’t like the books I’ve self-published. There’s nothing wrong with that.

But let’s be honest–the mark of a great piece of art, including fiction, is that it speaks to us. And the more people a work of art speaks to, the greater it is, in history and theory. And, also, let’s be more honest: the more people it speaks to, the more appealing it is to anyone who stands to profit from representing it.

How to appeal to the masses (or a large enough mass to make your art lucrative, anyway) is probably the hardest thing for any artist to learn, if indeed it is something that you can learn. Some people have it–some people, who probably already enjoy things that appeal to larger groups of people, naturally tell stories that fit into that world and appeal to those masses. For other people, like myself, we tend towards things that may be excellent, but unmarketable. Remarkable, but strange. This shouldn’t have come as a surprise to me, since my whole life people have repeatedly told me the things I say and do are “lol so weird” and my response has always been “Really? That’s weird? Not the spoon cult I started in eighth grade, or the comics I used to draw about my sociopathic alter ego?”

I don’t know if you can actually learn how to write stories that appeal to more people–and if you can, I don’t know that it would actually serve your writing. I’ve experienced myself, and heard countless tales from other authors, how writing for mass appeal can cause devastating depression and creative blocks. But I do believe that as we grow into our art, we connect more and more with that deep undercurrent of raw humanity that lies at the foundation of all creativity. I believe that if we follow our hearts and hone our craft and keep writing our words, no matter what, that the stories we write will naturally evolve into things that are bigger than our quirks and fascinations, our talent and our vision. A great story–and great art–is always much more than the sum of the artist’s parts.

Anyway. I’m finishing the second draft of The Tower and starting the outline for my next stand-alone YA novel, I’ve got an AMAZING narrator contracted for the Ghost City audiobook, and I’m really looking forward to the conference in June. So that’s where I’m at right now. :D

The Return of the Arcana Series!

So, a year ago yesterday I released my latest book, Ghost City, a mind-bending post-apocalyptic ghost story about kids surviving after the end of the world. While I’m extremely proud of that stand-alone novel, the (belated) one year anniversary of its release feels like the perfect time to make an announcement about my NEXT book! I’m excited to say that 2015 is the year I return to the dark fantasy world of The Arcana Series with the sequel to The Hierophant!

Are you ready for the title?

The next book in The Arcana Series is…

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(btw, this image you’re about to see is associated, but not the actual cover…)

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16-Major-Tower

 

the tower

 

Ta-da!

I’d like you to do me a favor and forget anything you may have ever heard me say about this book/book 2 in The Arcana Series. Like its author, this story and how it will be told has undergone many (messy) transformations since the first draft was written. But I am pleased to say the time has come for Ana’s story to continue, and for people other than the infinite monkeys typing in my brain to be a part of it. :D

If you haven’t had a chance to read Book 1 (The Hierophant), feel free to check it out HERE, or read the first 9 chapters for free, HERE!

 

(The above image is from the Vertigo Tarot Deck from DC Comics, and is courtesy of tarot.ucoz.ua)

Wordless.

I have started and thrown out more blog posts and journal entries this year than I can even begin to remember. I’m compelled, periodically, to write about this intense feeling I’m living with, this intense faith, that has propelled me into writing two novels at the same time while working a full-time job. I feel like the energy that’s filling my brain with whispered inspiration should be extolled with glorious words, captured on the (digital) page, preserved for all to see.

But it just ain’t working like that. Every time I try to capture the details, they slip through my fingers as my brain sharpens its focus. The focus is somehow misdirected, away from the truth. I know I’ve had various drug related experiences that would call this ego-interference, or something along those lines. I mean, after all, why write a blog post about something if your ego wasn’t getting involved?

So here’s the truth, as near as I can describe it: I’m optimistic. But more than optimistic, I have this sense–this borderline knowing–that good things are just around the corner. I have words pouring through me again, a path lighting up before me, and the promise of some kind of freedom in the near-ish future. And the recognition of the freedom I do have, now.

Life is not perfect, and yet it is. No, I’m not making my living from my writing–yet. But I am writing, and loving it. No, I don’t live near the ocean in an adorable New England condo-yet. But I do live in a city that is going through a terrific renaissance, in a beautiful little house that keeps me warm and dry, with two excellent roommates and a menagerie of furry, loving pets. No, I’m not rich–but I’m solvent. No, I don’t have everything I want–but I have a life full of freedom, love, and the promise of adventure.

And for me, that’s what life is about: being free, loving others, and having one adventure after another. Even if that adventure is as small as trying a new way of cooking vegetables (have you tried sous vide yet? It is perfection.), or as big as putting 80,000 original words and countless hours of toil, love, and heartache out for public criticism and consumption. (That’s publishing a novel, in case you were wondering.)

It took me a long time to realize that what I wanted out of life was as simple as that, but I’m glad I did. I might even venture to say that I think, in the end, it’s that simple for most of us. We want to be free. We want to love and to be loved. And we want to feel alive.

When was the last time you asked yourself: what do I really want from life? Go ahead, ask. And listen. Sometimes the answer will surprise you.

2015: The Empress (Part 2)

(For Part I, click here)

The Empress

image courtesy of paranormality.com

All my life I’ve been enchanted by the mystical, mythical world. I love, even if I do not wholeheartedly believe in, the idea of fortune-telling and psychics and second-sight. (You may have gathered that from my tarot-based book series.) I’ve even joked with my friends that I collect psychic readings, from Lily Dale, to Salem, to any psychic fair that passes through town. I don’t rely on them for anything but entertainment, but they do satisfy some deep, eternal sense of wonder that I’ve both carried and contained for all of my adult life.

One of my favorite forms of divination outside of tarot is numerology. Like astrology, numerology uses things like your birthdate to determine where you’re at and where you’ve been and where you’re probably going. It’s based on an idea that humans and all things go through maturation cycles, and this rotating cycle of 9s permeates your days, weeks, months, and years. Last year was a 2 personal year for me–The High Priestess, as it relates to tarot cards–a year of inaction and solitude, of internal processing and development. I can’t argue with that description.

This year is a 3 personal year for me–The Empress. A year of abundance and expansion, of creativity and vitality, being physical and sensual, and social. I felt this year creeping in towards the end of 2014, when I started my new kick boxing class and my new writing regimen, and when all of a sudden I realized I was financially solvent for the first time since my ex moved out. And as 2014 drew to a close I began working on a project that had been escaping my grasp for almost two years. Even before 2015 rolled in, I’ve had this feeling–this knowing–that 2015 is going to be one hell of an amazing year.

2014 was long, dark, and agonizingly slow, but those slow dark moments forced me to take a hard look at the way I want to live my life versus they way I thought I *should* live my life. And in 2014, I effectively banned that word from my reasoning vocabulary. “Should,” I have decided, is the most dangerous and destructive word in the English language.

So what changed, really, from 2013 to 2015? Just this one thing: I realized, deeply and profoundly, that happiness is a choice that we have the power to make, every day. I realized that relying on circumstances and other people to dictate my emotions was the essence of powerlessness, of giving my power away. I learned that trying to be someone and create something that others wanted, that didn’t line up with what I wanted, could never bring lasting happiness. You can’t please everyone all of the time. You can’t even please a few people all of the time. And it’s not your job to please anyone but yourself, anyway.

And as selfish as that sounds, this has been a year where I’ve felt more compassion, more empathy, more patience, love, and understanding than ever before. Because if I choose not to let the actions and words of other people derail me from my choice of happiness, then I have no other choice but to love them just as they are, right where they are, regardless of how they’ve reacted to me. When you stop giving people the power to hurt and upset you, it suddenly becomes so much easier to accept them as they are.

But more importantly, with love comes forgiveness and healing–and with all of that, comes hope. And when you have hope? It’s so much easier to keep choosing happiness.

So if 2014 was, for me, the ash-phase of the Phoenix cycle…then 2015 is definitely the year I rise again. And this year I rise as something more than I was before, something powerful, in command of my own destiny: this year, I am the Empress.

So it’s a little late, but happy 2015, everyone!

 

fancy-horz

 

PS: If you’d like to calculate your personal year for 2015, here’s how! Take you’re birth month and day, and add the numbers together until you get a single digit, like so:

(May, 17) 5+1+7=13 –> 1+3=4

Then do the same with the current year: (2015) 2+0+1+5=8

Then add the totals together until you get a single digit: 4+8=12 –> 1+2=3

Viola!

2015: The Empress (Part 1)

The Empress - Ride-WaiteTo fully appreciate my perspective on 2015, I have to go back to New Year’s Eve, 2013:

I was driving to a friend’s cottage to spend the holiday and weekend with them for a mini writing retreat. My first Christmas after separating from my husband had been hard, even though it was anything but traditional–my family and I spent two weeks in England with my brother, his wife, and her family, and overall it was lovely. But while I was there I managed to hit an emotional rock bottom–or what I thought was rock bottom: after a situation with my family triggered every conceivable trigger I have, I spent the night sobbing, alone, in the dark, hoping to fall asleep because I was having my first panic attack in months. I was done. To be perfectly honest, I was ready to die. I couldn’t, because of Rusty (my dog) and my cats. But I wouldn’t have been upset if I fell asleep and never woke up.

And even though my general mood improved, that feeling didn’t go away. I was so tired of feeling like I literally sucked at living, and I was tired of the specifically exhausting pain of stopping myself from hating a person that I once thought was my soul mate. I was so fucking exhausted of telling people I couldn’t afford things, can’t afford things, won’t be able to afford things for a long time. When I came home, the empty house was a gut punch, the loving faces of my pets a tragic reminder of the little family I was losing, the mounting responsibilities in homeownership (that I never would have signed up for without a partner) a big fucking mountain of sand pouring down on me.

I was low. Even without the drama of panic attacks an sobbing, I was the lowest I’d ever been because I didn’t even feel human any more. I didn’t feel like a person. I didn’t feel like a woman. I didn’t feel like anything but a giant pile of things I didn’t want to do but had to.

And I didn’t even want to fix it because I was, more than anything, tired of trying and failing.

Maybe it was my fate to be that way. Maybe I was a sad person by nature, and I needed to stop fighting it. I realized I would have to decide, every day, for the rest of my life, whether it was still worth it to keep going or not. And my only criteria so far was how guilty I felt, and how many pets I had left.

So, like I said, I was driving, New Year’s Eve, down backwoods country roads with Rusty in the back seat. I was just leaving a 55mph zone, entering a 30mph, and I was slowing down accordingly. And I got pulled over, for speeding of course. And the cop was unnecessarily dickish.

And that totally did me in.

That was it. I sat in my car staring at my speeding ticket sobbing like a hot mess (I at least had the dignity to wait until after he gave me the ticket to cry), because I didn’t have money to feed myself, I didn’t have money to pay my mortgage, I didn’t have money for health insurance that I didn’t even want but had to get or else pay a fine that I also didn’t have money for. I didn’t have money for the lawyer everyone kept telling me I should get to handle the separation paperwork. I didn’t have enough money to take off work for 2 weeks or to pay my share of the expenses while I was abroad, but I had to go because it would have been worse to stay, the plane ticket had already been changed twice, everything had already been calculated with my presence included…

And that was rock bottom. Nothing tragic, nothing monumental, nothing unique. Just powerlessness. Emptiness. Everything hurt, and nothing could be done to solve anything, or fix anything, or make anything better. Nothing.

Nothing.

Over the handful of years leading up to that moment, I’d had an image in my head of this strong, free woman: a robust woman standing on a precipice with her arms spread open, welcoming the storm winds, hair streaming and eyes wide. Her expression was always neutral. She didn’t hate the storm. She didn’t love it, either.

She was the image that came into my head when I tried to picture being brave.

That New Year’s Eve, when I finally put my car in gear and drove forward, wondering whether or not I should even go to the cottage (I was only 20 minutes away at that point, and I’d already driven over an hour, in the snow), I became the evolution of that woman on the precipice. Only my arms weren’t spread wide, and my feet weren’t planted firmly on the ground. I was adrift. I was a kite cut free, buffeted and lifted and whipped through the sky with a sort of soft, or maybe slightly surprised, look on my face.

There was nothing to be done, so I stopped fighting.

And all at once, it didn’t hurt anymore. It didn’t hurt, because I wasn’t being strong anymore. I wasn’t being brave anymore. I was actually, genuinely, free.

I could give up control. Because I finally, finally, finally realized that I never really had any control at all, except over one very small but very important thing: how I choose to move forward now, in this very moment.

And I chose to keep going.

With that vision in my head of a girl adrift on a storm wind, unmoored and free, I began the slow and often frightening process of re-training myself to really, truly listen to my heart. And one of the first things it told me–what it had been trying to tell me for so long–was this:

The secret to flight has never been wings–the secret has always been to let go of the shit that weighs you down.

Interview with Elizabeth Basalto: Audiobook Narrator!

For me, the strangest part about making an audiobook was that 99.99999% of the work belonged to someone else this time. I’ve never done voice acting or narration before, and my background in sound design all happened in professional-ish studios at college or in very serious local bands garages. So I had a lot of questions for Elizabeth about her process! Read on to find out more about the narrator for The Poppet and the Lune, and how the audiobook was created!

***

What made you decide to take up voice acting/narration?

E.B: I’ve always loved doing imitations and quoting my favorite tv shows and movies–I think I get that from my mom. It was just a natural thing from the time I was little to say something or make a joke and then quote one of my favorite characters to go along with it, imitating their voice. When I got to college, I did imitations for my friends all the time: of characters, of people we’d met, of my friends themselves. It got to the point where pretty much everyone knew, “if you’re friends with Elizabeth, you’d better get used to her making weird noises/voices and saying strange things all the time.” And my true friends accepted it, and even liked it. (Or so they tell me, haha!)

I’d been interested in pursuing voice acting as a career for a long time, but I wasn’t sure how to get into it. Audiobook narration wasn’t a means I’d considered until one day when my sister had a migraine and asked me to read a book aloud to her, since she couldn’t read it herself. That was sort of what put the idea of audiobooks in my mind–I enjoyed reading the book aloud, and she enjoyed listening to it.

TPaL was your first audiobook project – how steep was the learning curve?

E.B.: It wasn’t too bad, fortunately! I already had some experience with audio and video editing programs, which was a big help. This was my first time using the specific editing program I use now–an open source program called Audacity–so that took a bit of getting used to. Mastering the audio to all of ACX’s required specifications was also a confusing learning process, but the Audacity forums were a lot of help. There are a number of other ACX narrators on there who were able to share their experiences and give tips to help first time editors get everything exactly right. There was a lot of trial and error, but I enjoyed it, and luckily it wasn’t too overwhelming!

What was your favorite scene to narrate? (No spoilers!)

E.B.: That’s a tough one–I really enjoyed the whole book because each new part, each new chapter introduced new emotions, new settings or new characters. I think one of my favorites was when the patchwork girl meets the Banshi, and then Aubrey, Scarlet, and Aurelia. It was so much fun to do all those different voices. Since they and the patchwork girl all talk to each other for quite a while, it was important to me to ensure that the listener could easily distinguish between all five characters. Their interactions were so endearing, and I love those girls and seeing how their storylines developed. I honestly adore the entire section that took place in Prince Baylis’ castle. Those chapters are my favorite parts of the book, both as a narrator and a reader.

What was the hardest scene to narrate?

E.B.: I’d have to say the scenes with Gabriel, because his voice was described as being so deep. I tried to talk as deeply as possible, but I had to do a LOT of takes because it was hard to keep my tone low enough. The scene where Gabriel is negotiating with the patchwork girl in his cave was particularly challenging. That whole section of the book is very emotional and raw and dramatic, so I did my best to convey that–not just through the characters’ voices, but through the narration as well.

Favorite character to voice?

E.B.: Definitely the Banshi. I struggled with her at first because I was having trouble settling on what she should sound like. I did a lot of different practice versions that just weren’t right. Finally, after I thought about it more carefully, I realized: a banshee doesn’t talk, she wails! I tried to focus on the description of her voice in the book, and make it sound like my voice was wavering up and down a few octaves, very breathy. It was so much fun and I was really proud of how it came out.
What does you recording set up look like (what kind of mic, audio software, etc.) and where is it located?

E.B.: I have a room over the garage that I converted into a sound studio. I did a lot of research on the best way to build a home studio without breaking the bank, and I’m really happy with how it turned out. Voice actor James Arnold Taylor has a great series of videos on YouTube that demonstrate how you can use materials you have on hand and achieve professional results. Everyday items like egg crates, towels, pillows and blankets all make fantastic noise-dampening materials, which is hugely important if you want to produce an audioboook–ACX has very strict guidelines to ensure professional quality in every production, so it’s important to have a well-constructed studio that’s as sound-proof as possible.

For equipment, I use a CAD USB microphone, with a CAD pop filter. This microphone is great. It captures very crisp, high-quality sound, but it was much more affordable than many others on the market right now. And since it is USB, it has the convenience of plugging it directly into my computer. When I edit, I use Sennheiser HD 201 headphones. They are perfect because they pick up all the little pops and background noise I might otherwise miss. They are also very comfortable. The editing software, like I mentioned earlier, is an open-source program called Audacity. It is a wonderful little program, easy to use, and best of all, it’s free! It’s a popular choice among narrators at ACX, and I highly recommend it.

What book is your DREAM narration project?

E.B.: I would love to do some sort of children’s book or series. I love coming up with voices for magical creatures! I am a big fan of Emily Rodda’s “Fairy Realm” and “Deltora Quest” series, so any projects similar to those would be an enormous thrill.

Any other projects you’re working on now?

E.B.: I am currently narrating “Southern Greed” by Peggy Holloway, an adult mystery/thriller set in the South in the 1960s. It is a really gripping book, and a lot of fun to be working on!

***

If you’d like to know more about Elizabeth and her work, feel free to check her out on Twitter (@elizabethvoices) or her website, VoicesByElizabeth.com! Or better yet, check out her debut audiobook, The Poppet and the Luneon Amazon, Audible, or iTunes!

Thanks so much for stopping by, Elizabeth!

If you’d like a chance to win a free copy of The Poppet and the Lune audiobook, click here to enter our drawing!

Guess what? The Poppet and the Lune is now available as an audiobook!

tpal audiobookThat’s right folks! I’ve ventured into the world of ACX and audiobook production, and now I have a genuine audiobook produced and up for sale! Check it out! (Also check out my improved cover design skillz ;D)

Audible

Amazon

iTunes

This was my first time working with ACX and TPaL’s narrator, Elizabeth Basalto, and it was an amazing experience! Elizabeth brought a fresh perspective to the story of Faolin and the patchwork girl, and hearing her bring TPaL to life was absolutely thrilling for me as an author. I have always felt that The Poppet and the Lune, out of everything I’ve written, lends itself to spoken storytelling, and Elizabeth proved that feeling right. :D

So check it out, listen to the sample audio, and tell us what you think!

Let’s not pretend.

I’m terrible at keeping a blog. I have no excuses, and finally I no longer feel like I need one. So let this be the last thing I say on the subject.

Moving on: what’s been going on with me? I’m in a 2 personal year, which is boring. If you follow numerology at all, (which you probably don’t because most reasonable people do not, so I will explain in context) then you know that a 2 personal year comes after the excitement and drama and BIG CHANGES of a 1 personal year. In my 1 personal year, I was fired from my job, released two novels that I am really proud of, got a new and better job, and my marriage came to a rather abrupt and unsettling end. Also, just at the tail end of my 1 personal year (they begin and end on your birthday) my best friend and her wife moved into my house with me. So my 1 year was exciting and emotionally exhausting.

A 2 personal year is all about reflection, introspection, and learning. My 2 personal year has been BORING. I’ve tried hard to get amped up about things and ideas, but the universal forces are against my enthusiasm and stubbornness. The universal forces are telling me to chill the fuck out and regroup, reframe, re-establish who and what I am. And even though I’m all about the phoenix cycle, this is some slow-going work these months. There have been no epiphanies–no exciting dawning of understanding–no realizations.

All there has been is a sort of agonizingly slow acceptance of the fact that sometimes I just have to sit still, rest, watch, and listen.

Changes have happened. I have changed a great deal. But these aren’t quantifiable changes–they aren’t the kind of changes I can document or write blog posts about. I spent a week alone on a college campus. I read about wild women and middle aged women and girls who lose their wild ways. I remembered something I can’t articulate about what I am. I gathered bones in the forest, and watched a night blooming sirius come to life, and harvested more tomatoes than I planted, and I did not write a god damn useful word of fiction whatsoever.

I ached at that. I still ache. I mourned parts of me that I didn’t realize had been alive until they died. I’m still grieving for losses that I’m not even conscious of, and losses that linger at the back of my mind, ugly truths that I refuse to face until I can reframe them into something useful–into soil that can be tilled and sowed and tended.

The only thing I can tell you about my 2 personal year so far is that I’ve learned, deeply–acutely–that life changes us. You cannot ever go back, you cannot ever recapture. You can only forge forward, and sometimes that means pausing, resting, and re-examining the very truths you’ve built your life and your identity upon.

And that can be the scariest thing of all.

I hate this year, no matter how much I know I need it. I hate feeling stuck and inactive. I hate hitting a wall every time I build momentum. I hate that I can’t orchestrate my life and force myself to cooperate and take action and get things done. But I love that, right now, I know myself better than I ever have before. I’m communicating with myself better, loving myself more, honoring and being honest with myself in every way. I love knowing that anything is possible from where I’m standing. I love knowing that nothing stays the same. I love knowing that I’m on the right path, because all paths are the right path, just so long as you keep moving forward, even if those steps are singular, slow, and miniscule.

I have a long way to go, still, in my 2 year, and now that I’ve finally–finally–stopped fighting it, I think I’m going to enjoy the next few months a lot better than the first. If I can only learn to be present, to stop imposing my trained beliefs about how I should be living my life on myself…I think I will be a lot happier, for the rest of my life.

(Also, yes, I’m still working on ARCANA: Book II. No idea when it will be out though, sorry :/)

It’s Okay, Britain. Water Under The Bridge.

Of all the national holidays for my country, Independence Day is the one I can actually get behind. It’s not that I’m unpatriotic–far from it. I love my country, even with all it’s many (MANY) flaws. But I don’t like a lot of the things that come to mind when you think of America–where women’s uteruses are more legislated than our firearms, and when you ask “did you hear about that school shooting the other day?” most people have to respond with “which one?”, and where money buys legislative votes, the people’s opinions are not represented in politics, and medical developments are fueled by profit instead of humanitarianism. There’s quite a bit about the state of things right now that I don’t like, but I have a lot of faith in humanity, and a lot of hope for my country to get things right, ultimately.

Independence Day is a great holiday because it reminds me of the roots of this country. It reminds me of how badass we used to be, throwing tea into the ocean like a punk rock riot, flipping off the crown (or biting our thumbs at the crown?) and pulling a Sarah-from-Labyrinth like “I HAVE FOUGHT MY WAY HERE TO THE CASTLE COLONY BEYOND THE GOBLIN CITY ATLANTIC OCEAN–ETC…um…YOU HAVE NO POWER OVER ME!” I mean, look at the Declaration of Independence. Those old dudes got it. And it’s proof that there was a time in history when the people who would become the United States of America were forward-thinking, socially progressive, freedom-loving, genuine human beings.

Were they perfect? Hell no. But the things they stood for were important enough and real enough that, over time, adhering to those values forced ye olde white men to bring about real, lasting, important change. Sure, sometimes those values seem to get lost in the mess up on Capitol Hill, but look: we weren’t perfect then, and we’re not perfect now. But we’re always moving forward–even when some SCOTUS rulings make us seriously doubt that forward momentum.

For better or for worse, the USA is a country that has been crafted to expect and implement change. And what that means is that this country will never become static. Improvement is always possible, and in the longterm history of things, it’s actually highly likely. We may not be where we want to be today, but we’re a hell of a lot closer than we were even twenty years ago.

So I think about that, on the 4th of July, watching fireworks displays and eating hotdogs and listening to the often misinterpreted lyrics of “Born in the USA” blasting from my neighbor’s window. I think about that every time some startlingly awful decision is made by any of the three branches of our government. I think about that every time another state rules in favor of marriage equality.

Sometimes things are bad–but the foundation of this country leads me to believe that they can and will always, eventually, get better.

What I’m Working On These Days

It’s a bit of a non-secret, but I have a ghost writing gig that I’ve been doing on the side to make some extra cash and keep my chops up while I’m not emotionally ready to dive into another soul book. The books I publish under my real name are all books that I consider soul books. Partially because they seem to come from mysterious, magical, deeply spiritual places, and partially because they tax me, spiritually, to write. This is why I’m not the best business model for self publishing–I don’t produce enough content to make a steady income. I just can’t write that fast.

So I’ve been finishing up another ghost writer project while finally shaking the last of the winter doldrums. May was overcast and rainy around here, so it feels like it’s taken FOREVER for Spring/Summer to really arrive. But now that it’s here? I’m flourishing like an invasive weed in an unkempt lawn! (I work for a lawn care company now, just go with it.)

This time last year I was releasing The Hierophant: Book I in the Arcana Series. It is a very important book to me, partially because it was written over the span of some of the best and worst years of my life, and it represents some of the best and worst realities I had to accept about myself as a writer. But I’ve been dreaming of the sequel since before the first draft of the first book was even halfway done.

So, it shouldn’t surprise you that what I’m currently working on is that sequel: Book II in the Arcana Series. I can’t talk about it in too much detail here, but there is so much I WANT to talk about, and it’s killing me! But I will give you this kind of awesome teaser for now:

Book II is not ONLY about Ana, nor is it ONLY from her point of view. There is a brand new character that will be sharing the narration, someone I think you’re all going to love–or love to hate, depending. ;D

That’s all I can say for now! But if you want a glimpse of what I’m up to, follow my Tumblr and be on the lookout for anything tagged “arcana series.” I’ll be posting a ton of visual inspiration for the next novel and the series as a whole.

Now, back to work!