My hypocrisy, my self

So I am a total hypocrite. I have hardly written a god damn thing since my last post. I can’t begin to really explain why, or where I went “wrong,” or what’s happening now that I’m still unable to write. An epic writers block descended, and I’m currently dealing with a lot of subversive and deeply internalized fear and the denial of said fear. I don’t know where it came from, but it’s there. I’m accepting it, and hoping to move on.

Spiritually, I’m okay with all of this. I see it as an opportunity for growth. I obviously need a reminder that sometimes the only thing that really matters is how I feel- and it is most important that I find a way to be happy with everything that is. Being negative about it doesn’t help- fighting against it doesn’t change it. Look at the war on drugs, how billions more are spent on preventing drug use and trafficking every year, but it only ever gets worse. Look at me trying to stop eating junk food but only finding myself snacking on ice cream even more nights a week… you get it. Energy flows where attention goes, regardless of saying “stop” to a problem.

So, whatever, maybe that’s not your philosophy. It’s mine, and this is my blog :p

Anyway.

The Poppet and the Lune has not been sitting on a desk collecting dust, in case you were wondering. It’s been sent around, read by a few agents, and a few editors, most saying “it’s great, but I don’t think I’m the right person for it,” which, you know, is nice in the first half and disappointing in the last half, but that’s okay. I have plans. I also have a non-traditional thing in the works, some NYC networking happening on my behalf. In other words, TPaL is being passed around like a porn mag in a 12-year-old boy’s tree house in a Stephen King story. And they like it. That’s not saying anything official, just that I’m getting good feedback from people who know people. Besides, worst case scenario: I get an ego boost.

Also in the meantime, I’m brainstorming a sequel or prequel idea. If there are any characters from the book that you’d like to see again, let me know and I’ll consider their story. I think I’m going to be making up new characters for this one, but you never know- sometimes the story takes over and does what you didn’t want it to do. It happened in TPaL, twice.

So, will I be writing again any time soon? I hope. I can’t say for sure. I feel like I will. I have been nurturing myself, and I already went through the worst of the despair. I feel like things are changing as spring comes. Winter is always hard for me.

Again, I apologize for the radio silence and being a bad writerly role-model. Or maybe I’m a good one? Maybe writers are allowed a break without questioning their purpose in life? Maybe. Probably. Cause I’m okay with it.

I’ll be updating again soon, hopefully, probably with philosophical waxing about my spiritual journey, etc. It’s okay if you don’t want to read it, frankly I find those kind of blogs self-indulgent. As a matter of fact, I think all blogs are (but I still read them and [try to] write one). So never mind!

Happy last day of February!

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